I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
