I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
