Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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