just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
