Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
