i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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