you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
