I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
