...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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