Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
