He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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