So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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