it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
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Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
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I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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