I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
