Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
