I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
