I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
