You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
