i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
