everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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