You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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