Banned from zoo.
Again?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
