forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
