I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
