Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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