Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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