I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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