Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
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He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
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You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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