but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We just shotgunned beers for America
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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