i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
