as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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