i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
So many bounce houses so little time
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
