Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
