you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
