I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
