The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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