i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
