so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
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Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
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Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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