Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
