It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I need a beard to bite.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
