Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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