the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
i need to put some appletini on your dick
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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