we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
