He kissed a someone with a penis
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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