You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
