dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
