somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
