its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
