My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
