this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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