I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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