i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
