he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
