What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
