party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
