2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Is Oprah even human
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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