Apparently you make a good broom.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
