Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
