Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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