"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
