The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
