kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
