You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
