Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
