I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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