The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
