Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Drake has all the answers
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