There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
