drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
