I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I met the friendliest cop last night
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize