I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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