and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
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I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
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This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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